Fucking gas prices.....

I just found out the reason for the most recent jump in gas prices. Refineries are in the midst of switching from MTBE to ethanol additives in gasoline. Ethanol's cleaner but much more expensive to transport. What I don't get is why are we in Illinois getting screwed? We're surrounded by cornfields - the primary source for ethanol. It's like when I was a vegetarian and had to go to a kosher meat restaurant with my friends. Kosher meat is expensive, so naturally, the prices at such an establishment is higher than expected. My problem was that the vegetarian meals were marked up just as much as the meat stuff. Almost $10 for vegetable lo mein? Are you fucking kidding me? $2.92/gallon, are you fucking kidding me? I bitch and moan as unemployment looms in the horizon.....

Allergic to the Midwest

I've been having some major issues with allergies lately. It's to the point where claritin doesn't even do the trick. After 8-9 years of having little to no problems with allergies, it started to be an issue like never before once I moved to Illinois. I never remember it being this bad.

Through high school and my first year in college, I'd have seasonal issues with allergies - fall, spring along with 2-3 nasty sinus infections a year. When I got into meditation - around my sophomore year in college, I started to have less problems. After my second stay in a Buddhist monastery, I no longer had any problems. In fact, I didn't get sick for 3 years. I'd have small fits of issues with allergies in Baltimore but nothing to be worried about.

Obviously, a large part of the reaction is psychosomatic. So in short, I'm allergic to the Midwest! This is not a total indictment to this area. I always viewed my stay here as temporary. I never wanted to get too comfortable here. In that vein, I never got completely settled in and used to how things work here. I've pissed off my share of people and rubbed others the wrong way. Part of it is indeed a slight cultural difference but I am willing to own up to me not being the best person in the world at times.

So what can I do about my allergy? The simplest thing is to get the hell away from here. I still have some more time here, my wonderful girlfriend is here and not leaving until her Ph. D. is done, and there's a real possibility that I won't be gainfully employed in the field of my choosing by the time I graduate. So for now, pop those pills, meditate more and not be such a cynical asshole and see if that makes me feel better I guess!

Idol Worship

Today, I went to a fascinating lecture on sacralization of chamber music in 19th Century London. Sacralization of high art has been a fascinating topic for me because I strongly believe that this process has led to the decline of art music in America. It keeps audiences away in droves. Classical music is now suffering for its idol worship through both ideas and people involved.

As a musician, I strongly feel that I have to find ways to fight a certain arrogance that has been instilled in us ever since we embarked on serious music study. On top of that, I have to educate the audience that there are other ways of looking at this music. Take concert etiquette, for example. Some of the rules make sense and are just common sense and good manners but there are so many ritualistic aspects that are completely ridiculous when you think about it. I especially hate those unwritten rules dictating the ways in which an audience may show its appreciation at a concert. Basically, sit on your fucking hands until a piece is over. One time at a Philadelphia Orchestra concert, David Bilger - principal trumpet, nailed a solo in Copland's 3rd Symphony and I couldn't help pumping my fist in the air. (Yes, I can be a complete dork when it comes to music.) Now, I didn't make any noise that would have disrupted the aural experience for anyone there. I still got nasty looks from people around me.

Since I don't have an orchestra of my own yet, I haven't had the opportunity to implement these concepts. When I do, I'm sure it's going to piss off and turn away some stodgy concert goers. Well, if I gain more new comers than I lose these old farts, then that's the way it's going to. These guys can stay at home and put on their favorite Karajan recording.

Don't get me wrong. This sentiment in no way is an attempt to trivialize great art. People in my field need to chill the fuck out - that's all I'm trying to say. It's gotten to the point that people in the art world have elevated its product to such a degree that they have removed themselves from the actual art itself. There are too many examples of this but I just want to focus on what compelled me to write about this.


In terms of conductors, they can be deified the most easily due to the nature of their position as the most visible and power wielding people in our field. Two men are responsible for letting this get out of hand - Leonard Bernstein - who I generally like as a conductor, and Herbert von Karajan - who I generally can't stand. Whenever I tell a Karajan fan that I don't care for his recordings, they'll dismissively state that I obviously cannot hear and/or understand the profoundly musical and mystical messages that Karajan put on every recording he ever made. Sorry, I'll pass on the Kool-Aid.

Now in every field, there are those automatically attack mainstream ideas so that it becomes idol worship of counterculture. Questioning the status quo in itself is great but to do so blindly doesn't make you any better than those who blindly follow the masses. Every opportunity for someone to express these views and identify themselves as one whose views exist outside the mainstream is a chance for them to give oneself a pat on the back. In terms of conductors, there are a group of cult favorites that have such followers. Again, there are some that I really like like Jascha Horenstein, Carlos Kleiber and Hermann Scherchen.

Right now, I'm studying Schumann's fourth symphony. I have this recording by Celibadache that doesn't quite grab me like say, the Furtwangler one. A lot of people swear by the former. Celibadache was an immensely philosophical conductor. He didn't believe in recordings - almost everything available by him are bootlegs so he's the Jerry Garcia of the orchestral world. He rehearsed using very esoteric language which slowed down the rehearsal process to the point that he demanded an exorbitant amount of rehearsals. Like Karajan, he was very open about the fact that the position of being an interpreter of great art allowed him to use music as a vehicle to convey his message of Zen philosophy. As a lifelong Zen Buddhist, this offends me to no end. Forget the fact that I believe that both Karajan and Celibadache's view of Zen is at best distorted and limited. Being that overt about preaching the message of Zen is extremely anti-Zen. I just see Celibadache as a once great musician and brilliant thinker who has gone mad and completely lost touch with reality. Zen thought is based on the unification of the natural and the supernatural.

Now I don't just hate Celibadache's conducting because I think he's a madman and his philosophies are shit to me. His interpretations don't convince me a lot of the time. Works that are compatible with his philosophy do indeed compell me. His Bruckner usually knocks my socks off. His Beethoven, on the other hand, is at once beautiful but horribly misguided. I want to hear Beethoven's message and instead, I get something so weird that it's both depressing and comical at the same time. Yet people love this shit. A lot of Celibadache fans got into him through his Bruckner. They found those interpretations so compelling that they can't bring themselves to question his more eccentric recordings.

Worst of all, people forget to think for themselves because of these forms of idol worship.