Thank you, cock wipe!

An incident that happened at work made me think of one of my best friends from college. There's a convention in town, I don't know exactly what but it has to do with anime and other fetish friendly Asian cultural imports. So the saute chef from work starts asking me about it. "Why all them Orientals and Oriental-wannabes be running around town for?" Instead of being offended, I reply, "There's over 2 billion of us in the world, more than anybody else. Am I supposed to know everything we do? You think I have these motherfuckers on speed dial?" So we began trading insults and jokes. One person more than anyone allowed me to become more adept at handling these situations.

To best describe my friend, think of Don Rickles, Woody Allen, and Lenny Bruce rolled into one. He tries to offend everyone within an earshot. His insults are in horrifyingly bad taste but they are usually so brilliant that you not only cannot help laughing but you feel so guilty in doing so. He elicited strong reactions from people. Some were embarassed to be associated with him. Others loved him. Still, others, including me, quickly learned to hurl insults back at him. One time, one of these friends wanted to call him a "wop kike" and it came out as "cock wipe". We all lost it at that point and we use this as a nickname for him every once in a while.

One of my favorites was when he called me out of the blue after not hearing from him for several months. After getting married and becoming more religious, we all wondered whether he would start losing his edge. So as soon as I pick up my phone, he starts singing "Three Little Maids from School" from Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado, only it was "Thlee Rittle Maids flom Schoor". I laughed my ass off and and immediately told him how much I miss him.

So cock wipe, I thank you for this valuable skill.